


Cold Feet

by Anonymous



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Sam Winchester, Break Up & Make Up, Dean Winchester Has Self-Esteem Issues, Happy Ending, M/M, Mpreg, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 10:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20637365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It comes out of nowhere, Dean breaking up with him.  Sam doesn’t know why it happened, it must have been him, something he did, but when he finds out their brief relationship hasn’t left him empty handed, he has to decide what to do then.Dean, meanwhile, is trying to accept that he just took the best thing in his life and smashed it on the floor.Idjits.





	Cold Feet

For the first few days, Sam thinks it’s just a fever. He’s not in the best place, right then; every interaction with Dean feels stilted, and he’s not sleeping, not eating, and he was run down before that, so it’s no surprise his health is suffering.

When the vomiting starts, harder and hurting twice as much when there’s barely anything in his stomach to bring up, he thinks it’s just further proof how hated he is by the world in general because it has to be stomach flu, and vomiting is the thing he hates the most.

But when it doesn’t stop, he figures he’d better see somebody, because maybe it’s not stomach flu.

It’s not.

++

Dean listens to Sam getting up in the middle of the night to puke, and he wants to go to him, he does, but he’s ruined that, now, hasn’t he?

They were settled, they were happy, and then he wakes up one morning and he suddenly realises just how fragile it is, like nothing in their lives was before?

And it’s just a matter of time before something goes wrong, before Sam gets his smarts back on line and sees just how much of a non starter his big brother is, and who the hell wants to fuck their sibling anyway?

He does. Past few years, he’s been seeing Sam differently, and he knows it’s the same for Sam, that the boundaries have smudged, so why, why did he fuck it up?

Why did he stand there and tell Sam it was over, he’d made a mistake, and they should just forget about it?

And now he can’t go comfort his little brother when he’s puking up his guts forty times a day because even if he told Sam to make like it didn’t happen, he can’t follow his own brutal command.

He’s ruined everything.

Again.

++

They don’t get any hunts for nearly a week, even though he knows Dean’s trying to find something, anything, even a rookie level haunting, just something to get them both out of the bunker.

Or to get Dean out, because Sam knows when his brother needs space.

What did he do? What fuck up has made Dean just want to get away from him?

He’s been replaying everything in his head, trying to find a word or a gesture or whatever it was to drive Dean away from him even when they’re still living in the same place.

Will that change too? That fear wakes him up, disturbing the all too brief amount of sleep he’s managed to get since the sickness is tapering off.

Will Dean want to go? 

If it comes to that…. Sam can’t let him. They both love this place, but Sam knows it’s the home Dean’s always wanted, needed.

He doesn’t really remember having a stable, permanent place. Dean does, and he’s the one who got the chance of it again, only for it to be ripped away a second time.

If one of them has to go, Sam’s already decided it’ll be him. He has no idea to where...maybe Jody can let him stay there for a while, or if he can find Rowena, she might show pity on him given his situation…

And at least Dean won’t be alone. Cas will be here, he’ll take care of Dean, and maybe in the future Sam can come home sometimes, so he doesn’t have to live like he’s lost them.

Except if it comes to that, he really will.

++

It’s maybe four months after maybe the dumbest day of Dean’s life when everything just...clicks.

They end up toe to toe with some bitter fucking geist that just chewed up and spat out an old pal of Bobby’s and fine, it’s on, because Dean’s been looking for something to rip to shreds for ages, but this one is not going down easy.

It launches something at him, he doesn’t know what, but there’s a frying pan hanging on a hook and he snatches it up and whacks it away like he’s on the field.

At Sam, wholly by accident, but his brother’s fast, he dodges and his hands…

For one moment, Dean sees, and _knows_, because Sam’s hands are suddenly covering his stomach like he was terrified of getting hit there.

Dean dumps the frying pan and grabs Sam, gets him to the door, down the path and then pushes him in the car.

Goes back to finish the bastard off, no pissing around, and then he gets back behind the wheel and…

Drives.

++

So, he knows. Sam doesn’t say anything as Dean speeds through the night, eyes scanning the darkness, and then spying a _vacancy_ sign that he steers them towards.

Five minutes later, they’re in a room, doors and windows protected, and Dean is staring at him like for once he doesn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry,” Sam says, because he is, for whatever he said to start this, for not telling Dean when he found out, for letting it come to this.

“I’m sorry,” Dean says, at the exact same time, and Sam’s staring back at him and then they’re both talking, rapid fire, and Sam doesn’t know about Dean but he can’t stop.

“....chicken shit…”

“...what I did, if I knew…”

“...thought you’d wake up to…”

“...don’t want to trap you…”

“Sam.”

Dean shuts it down with just his name, and Sam clamps up, and waits. He thinks he knows what he heard, but he has to be sure.

“I fucked up,” Dean says. “I figured you were going to realise what you’d landed yourself with, that it was just you feeling like you were obligated, or some shit. And so I...I guessed I drove us off the cliff before I had to hear it.”

For that one moment, Sam isn’t sure whether he’s going to hug Dean because his brother’s sense of self worth is buried so deep it has to be mined out, or slap his brother upside the head for thinking Sam would ever consider him something to just be re-evaluated and tossed aside.

He kind of does both, crossing the distance fast, yanking Dean in, and manages to fit a kiss in as well, and then Dean’s shaking in his arms, and mumbling more apologies, so Sam kisses him again to get him to shut up.

Later, after a shared shower and some physical reassurance, Sam holds Dean to him as his brother strokes a gentle finger over his belly.

“You know…”

Sam shakes his head. “Didn’t want to. Had enough...Had enough on my mind.”

There’s silence, for a moment, and then Dean leans down enough to gently kiss Sam’s swollen tummy.

It tickles, and Sam writhes away, but Dean has his hips then, and he grins wickedly before going for it.

“I hate you,” Sam pants, when Dean finally lets him go.

“No, you don’t,” Dean says, and he’s got a cocky grin on his face and Sam might never be happier to see it.

“No, I don’t.”


End file.
